I had a good conversation with Jess today. This is actually significant, sadly. Recently whenever we talk it seems like she’s complaining about something, or she’s having a hard day, etc. I don’t wish to be cruel, but it’s every time now, and she has said to me herself that she doesn’t like it when a friend relies on you only for emotional support, and never for fun. She was talking about having to be cheerleader for someone else’s ego, but I think it translates. After a few minutes of the same on the phone with her I started thinking, “all she does is whine at me.” But then, she stopped herself and basically admitted that. Then the conversation actually became a conversation and I got into it. I didn’t want to get off the phone. It was nice. I need to be a more active phone participant. Not just let her talk, but contribute myself. Steer the topic to something mutual. For surely, the one sided conversations we’ve been having are as much my fault as hers.
Anyhow, the topic of conversation started with…a complaint. From me. I mentioned the recording I just got of a concert I sang last spring. I got it on Thursday, and listened to it for the first time today. I did not like what I heard.
I had thought that I was getting much better. That my tone was richening, deepening, becoming fuller. but the sound I heard from that recording still sounded to me thin and very like a student and not a professional. Maybe I hadn’t been as “on” that afternoon as I thought I was. Or maybe the recording isn’t as true as I think it is.
Or maybe – worst of all – I really have improved as much as I thought, and that’s the better sound. Which ever, I’m very happy to be having a lesson tomorrow, because I have a long way to go.
