I am listening to one of the first CDs I ever bought. When I was 13 my mother took me to the newly opened Borders in the town. I selected two CDs to buy with my allowance that remain among my favorites in my now considerable collection. Exultate is a Vienna Boychoir CD featuring soloist Max [...]
Archive for the ‘Introspection’ Category
Sweetest misery
Posted in 13, Introspection, Unknowable Longing, journal, tagged boy, boy soprano, boylove, boys, CDs, choir, Max Emanuel Cencic, music, pedophile, pedophilia, singing, treble, Unknowable Longing on May 19, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Partnership
Posted in Introspection, journal on April 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
I want a partner. I think this has been the result of much of my recent thought. It’s why I tell The King and My Friend on the Facebook. Not the only reasons — the ones I have before are still the primary reasons — but part of it is seeking a partner. Maybe the [...]
Crash
Posted in Introspection, Unknowable Longing, journal, tagged boy, boys, choir, crash, cute, depression, emotion, friends, friendship, Liebesschmertz, music, pain, singing, Unknowable Longing, voice on April 25, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Sometimes I find myself daydreaming that I can talk to someone. I can be quite articulate and eloquent in my head. But I’m not often that way face to face.
I’m feeling depressed today. Last night I saw and English men and boys’ choir perform at a local church. They were pretty good. I had some [...]
Follow-up
Posted in Introspection, journal, tagged Bach, birthday, boy, boy soprano, every day life, friends, friendship, year in review on April 18, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Yesterday was my birthday. 25. Quarter century. It has been a less than ideal year, and an interesting final week.
So, 24 started out alright. I had a successful recital, graduated with my master’s degree, went to a summer music festival where I renewed my friendship with Jess and learned a little about my isolationist tendencies [...]
Lost in my own life…
Posted in Introspection, journal, tagged boys, choir, desire, England, fulfillment, job, life, Money, music, relationships, school, want, work on March 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
What do I want? It’s a harder question to answer than it seems, even without bringing up the “unknowable longing.” I love music, especially baroque, sacred and choral. I love boys; their company, voices, image. What the heck am I going to do with my life? I’m tired of not knowing where I’m going. I [...]
Fear and the Future
Posted in Introspection, Job, Money, Movies, journal, tagged cruise, Fearless, financial, Jet Li, job, lax, mentor, Money, movie, music, naturalism, personal, plan, responsibility, spending, Venus and Adonis on January 27, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
Today I watched Jet Li’s Fearless. I think it was a very good movie. The acting was not to western taste, meaning it wasn’t naturalist, but the story told was a good and interesting one and it was well told.
While on my cruise I laid out a plan of action if you will remember. Upon [...]
Lost momentum
Posted in Introspection, Writing, journal, tagged acceptance, blog, boylove, boylover, cycle, Dark Tower, depression, friendship, job, journal, mentor, pedophile, pedophilia, reading, shift, Stephen King, Writing on January 25, 2009 | 1 Comment »
Well, such momentum couldn’t last forever without effort. It’s been hard for me to come to this blog recently. I’ve had things to write, but I just didn’t feel like writing them. Yet again, however, I am determined not to let this endevor fail. I will continue this blog.
Part of the problem is the video [...]
Poetry, I fail
Posted in Introspection, Job, Money, Writing, journal, tagged debt, family, Money, Nifty, poem, poetry, restaurant, spending, television, Tray Taker, vacation on January 14, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
It’s been a long time since I wrote anything here. And while plenty has happened, I feel like there really isn’t any story to tell.
I’m fairly certain that last Wednesday was the last day I’ll ever see the tray taker boy, since the busy season is pretty much over now. I’ve been in the Chase [...]
Rain
Posted in Introspection, Job, Memories, Unknowable Longing, journal, tagged Boy Scouts, boylove, boylovers, boys, concert, fantasy, helpless, job, melancholy, nostalgia, pedophile, pedophilia, rain, raining, rehearsal, rescue, restuarant, self-loathing, sick, sing, society, umbrella, Unknowable Longing, work on January 1, 2009 | Leave a Comment »
I called off from work tomorrow. They’re not going to be happy about that, but I must get better. My voice is almost completely gone and I have a rehearsal tomorrow, a concert the day after, and then a service, another concert, and a singing-social event on Sunday. I can’t take chances.
I remembered something as [...]
The new year comes
Posted in Introspection, Job, journal, tagged boy, career, cute, job, New Year, relationship, restaurant, Tray Taker, voice, voice change, work on December 31, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
Tomorrow is the new year. For some reason, for the first time ever, the prospect of the new year excites me. It’s not that I have dreaded the future before, nor that I’m eager for this year to be over. I just never before saw any significance to the changing of a number at the [...]
