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Sentimental

I have been sick. Coughing so much that I’ve lost my voice. Yesterday (Sunday) morning was particularly bad. I could barely get out of bed. I obviously wasn’t going to be much use to the Citadel’s choir that morning, so I called in sick to get a few extra hours of sleep.

That afternoon, 1of2 sent me a text message. “Are you dead dude? I miss you” I was so touched! And, of course, I missed him too. But did I say that? No, of course not.

The last time I ate dinner at their house, as I was headed out the door 1of2 called out to me, “Bye Louie! I love you!” Once again, I definitely love him too. But still I didn’t say so to him.

This bothers me. First, I want to set an example for him that it is OK and good to express his feelings, although he clearly doesn’t need that. Still, I don’t want to set the opposite example and influence him to stop.

But secondly, and more importantly, I want him to know that I do love him and that I do miss him. But I just can’t make myself say it. Fortunately, I’ve gotten over my inability to hug him! So at least he (and the rest of the family) are no longer under the impression that I merely tolerate the boys. They know that I genuinely enjoy my time with them.

Now I am trying to buy them a Christmas present. For their birthdays I got each boy his own personal gift, but I don’t have the money to do that again, so I am trying to come up with a gift for the family as a whole. I would like that gift to in some way represent how much our friendship has grown, to express my love for the boys and my gratitude to the parents, but obviously I have an aversion to overtly putting my emotions on display. This is a long standing problem and I have been working on it for years, but I have never been so bothered by it as I am now.

I have one idea. And I can’t use it. On my Wilfred Owen page there is a poem: Impromptu. The second section is the perfect sentiment I wish to express, but I don’t know that I’d have the courage to use it, strong as it is.

Child, let me fully see and know thy eyes!
Their fire is like the wrath of shaken rubies;
Their shade is like the peaceful forest-heart.
They hold me as the great star holds the less.
I see them as the lights beyond this life.
They reach me by a sense not found in man,
And bless me with a bliss unguessed of God.

It perfectly describes my love for them (part of it, anyway) in a way that I think The Queen would interpret in a very positive way. I truly believe that she would read that “Platonically.”

But that isn’t the whole poem. So when asked where it came from: “Oh, it’s part of a Wilfred Owen poem.” Which leads to: “What’s the rest of it say?”

Yield me thy hand a little while, fair love;
That I may feel it; and so feel thy life,
And kiss across it, as the sea the sand,
And love it, with the love of Sun for Earth.

Yeah, that’s a bit harder to swallow as representing a mentor-protégé relationship.

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I’m all out of T

Well, this wasn’t what I was thinking of when I announced my return, but I was amused, so here we go! (We need more humor about boylove in the main stream. Nothing normalizes a group like humor. If nothing else, it get’s it out of the realm of taboo and into conversation.)

A friend of mine sent me a note today about an ironic experience…

LOL! I was just at the lunch truck…and I ordered a BLT. The vendor said, “sorry bub… I’m all out of T. I can do a BL though. You feeling like a BL type of guy this morning?” Hahahaha!

If only he knew! The most ironic thing is, while my friend is a BL (boylover), he goes through periods when the more stereotypical “boy” (that your media-portrayed child molester would go for) is too young for his taste, and he could almost be considered gay. And he is in just such a phase right now. So, no. He’s not feeling like a BL type of guy this morning.

Yes, I know. My humor is twisted. See my previous post. :P

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Among my friends, I am infamous for bad jokes and humor that most people find more annoying than funny. Here is a favorite of mine:

So, two muffins are sitting in a microwave, spinning around on that little turny thing. One muffin turns to the other and says, “Christ! it’s hot in here.” The other muffin says, “Holy crap! A talking muffin!!”

I bring this up because this blog has become much like a muffin. You know it’s there, and you look at it every now and then, maybe even “consuming” some of it. But you certainly wouldn’t expect it to SAY anything! Well, not any more. THIS BLOG IS NO LONGER A MUFFIN!!!!

Just sayin… Of course, I don’t know WHAT I’ll post. Or when. But I definitely feel something coming. :P

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Inactive

Obviously, I haven’t been here for a while.  I have decided to go indefinitely inactive with this blog.  Thank you to those who have been reading and checking back in vain for new material.  I’m sorry I left you hanging.

If/when I return, I doubt I’ll be doing journal posts, but rather posting stuff written specifically for this blog.  I don’t know when that will be, so don’t hold your breath, but if you’re interested feel free to check back every 7 months or so.  :)

Thanks again!  It was fun.

Louie

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A break

I am taking a break from maintaining this blog.  No new posts will appear until April.

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Yeah, most likely you could click on almost any blog on WordPress (or Blogger, or…) and find this post, but to quote the song, “Although it’s been said many times, many ways:  Merry Christmas to you.”

Gotta share the joy!  Hope you all have a holiday season (even if you don’t celebrate this holiday) filled with joy, good food, and children.  Even if you’re not a child lover.  It’s just not Christmas without kids running around hyped up on sugar and adrenaline.

Joyeux Noël,
Louis Chanteur

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