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Posts Tagged ‘IRL’

Paranoia

Feeling kinda nervous and paranoid.  I’ve agreed to go to a near by town (150 mi) on Sunday to meet a fellow boylover.  — The mouse is back — I’ve been speaking to him irregularly for a few months, and I’m 98% certain he’s genuine.  He’s been living abroad teaching English, but is back in the States, lining up an oportunity to go back.  While he’s here, he’s visiting all his BL friends, and wants to meet me.

While I have no reason to disbelieve a word he’s said, I have a paranoid side that says “that’s just what they’d want you to think” every time I think “but he isn’t lying, because…”

I don’t remember feeling this way when I visited my friends in California.  Part of my fear is, what if I don’t like him?  — The King and My Friend of the Face Book are here.  Time to go watch Psych.

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I should be in bed, sleeping.  Instead I’m writing this.  I’m going to regret it…

Today at work the cute tray taker was back again.  For goodness sake, I can’t seem to let it rest with this boy, can I?  I don’t really know what it is about this boy that enchants me, but he does.  He’s not even beautiful.  I mean, not in the sense that boy models are, or that ordinary boys are.  In fact, in some ways (I hate to say this) he’s ugly.  That would undoubtedly be Boy Wonder’s opinion.  He’d say, “Wow!  That kid is a tragedy,” because he is over dramatic like that and exaggerates like mad.  Then I’d say, “no he’s not.  He has his own beauty, it just isn’t conventional.”  Except I wouldn’t because I wouldn’t be caught dead saying that about a boy IRL.

But despite all the traits that offend conventional beauty, he does have a unique alure to me.  He seems so incredibly…sexual.  Every time I walk by him I have to restrain myself from reaching out and touching him.

And adding to the strangeness of his attractiveness is his age.  He cannot legally be younger than fourteen.  And while fourteen is the upper boundary for my “age of attraction” he is not prepubescent.  His voice is unchanged, as I mentioned before, along with the fact that it is gorgeous, but he is clearly in the process of maturing, and not that far behind the average.

Perhaps he gives off a type of pheromone that I’m particularly responsive to.  ;)

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