Fear and the Future

Today I watched Jet Li’s Fearless.  I think it was a very good movie.  The acting was not to western taste, meaning it wasn’t naturalist, but the story told was a good and interesting one and it was well told.

While on my cruise I laid out a plan of action if you will remember.  Upon returning from the cruise I set about following it, but have since become lax.  I need to recommit myself to it, even if I change the goals.  I think the uneasy feeling I’ve been having is related to once again lacking direction and purpose.  So, here i go again, outlining what I hope to do and accomplish.

-Become a mentor.  Really nothing I can do but wait on this one.
-Contact Virtuoso to encourage his Venus and Adonis project.  Even unpaid, I need to get back into music for the love of it.
-Reduce my spending, increase my responsibility, both financial and personal.
-Find a job to replace the Restaurant that doesn’t subvert my soul.

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Poetry, I fail

It’s been a long time since I wrote anything here.  And while plenty has happened, I feel like there really isn’t any story to tell.

I’m fairly certain that last Wednesday was the last day I’ll ever see the tray taker boy, since the busy season is pretty much over now.  I’ve been in the Chase Room at The Restaurant for almost all of my recent shifts, which is nice since it’s a more calm room and I get tips from the bar.

I spent the last few days with my father’s side of the family up north.  My father’s brother’s only son’s family wasn’t there (they have four boys).  Only Lucy and her little sister for children.  They were great to have around.  I tried my best to be sociable with Lucy, who is now 10, as sort of practice.  I wasn’t that good at it.

And I just spent $500 on a new television.  I’m a spending junkie.  (And now my credit card is frozen because the bank is afraid of fraud after such a large purchase.)  I need to start making more money.  And I will soon, but I just sent myself further into the hole that I first must dig myself out of.

Today, while browsing Nifty, I came across a story title that felt like the first line to a poem.  So I tried to write the poem.  The line was “And then there was Joshua and Joseph.”  I corrected the grammar for my poem.

And then there were Joshua and Joseph,
Two boys of speechless wonder.
Their hearts beat furious and frantic
Within their narrow breasts.
Restless eyes failed to meet

And that’s all I could come up with.  Clearly, I am no poet.  But I’ve known that for a long time.

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Broke

Today I ran out of money.  I knew my spending was getting out of hand, but I ignored it.  I was having too much fun with my friends to restrict it.  And then today I didn’t have enought room on my credit card to buy a pizza.  I also just took a voice lesson and payed my teacher.  $120.  So now I have nearly $2,500 on my credit card and $75 in the bank.  I can’t buy gas.  I can’t pay my bills.  I can’t even feed myself.

Painful or not, I need to work more hours, and find a better job.  I get paid Thursday.  I think.  And then I’ll get the check from the Citadel soon too.  Maybe, maybe, between the two, I can pay my water bill and keep the car running.

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