Erotica

Let’s be honest: I consume it, and so do you. For the most part, my preferred source is Nifty Archives. I am a romantic. I like more than a pretty face. I prefer a pretty character. I want to fall in love as I fap. Also — in this country anyway — a lot more can legally happen in a written story than in a photograph, video or even drawing. And I do try to obey the law. With the exception of speed limits…

But erotica is limited. If you go out and research the relationship between child pornography and child abuse (I doubt there are any studies done on the relationship between legal child erotica and child abuse, though I’ve never actually looked) you will see two camps. Mainstream camp: child pornography leads to greater incidences of child abuse. Alternate camp: child pornography acts as a sexual release for pedophiles and can help to reduce real world incidences by providing an alternative.

Thing is, any kind of erotic media (adult, child, textual, graphical, hardcore, romance) is a lot like dessert. The hungrier you are the more you’ll want to eat it. And if you eat it, you’ll feel satisfied right in the moment, but it won’t take long until you are hungry again. Hungrier, in fact, because it didn’t actually nourish you. Also, now you’re a little fatter and feel slightly ill.

When I am lonely, I feel a constant need to get on Nifty and read smut. Or get on tumblr or flickr and find pictures of shirtless boys. I read, look, stroke, cum and then feel every bit as lonely as I did before.

Now, I’m not saying that erotica is bad! I enjoy it, I like it, and it has its place. But when I am unhappy, it gets in the way of me finding my way back to happiness. In the moment, I’d rather eat pie than cook dinner. But much like dessert, it has its place. At the end of a good meal, a slice of cake tastes great and tops off the meal, making it feel truly finished and satisfying.

Likewise, when I am happy, when I have spent a week of days with my Golden Boy, my heart is full of realized love for him, and the Longing (which has ceased to be Unknowable to me) is lying dormant, a good romantic man/boy or boy/boy story does nothing but make me happy (and horny), giving me the one thing that I cannot get from my Golden Boy: sex.